The Light Before the Tunnel Starts


2 hours and 47 minutes ago I finished watching the Season 2 Finale of The Comeback. Just another TV show on my list to put a check mark next to. But it made me think about something. It made me think about the light.

And it was not the light at the end of the tunnel.

All these years I've been taught to look out for that light that is expected to appear magically at the end of the tunnel. That tiny glow that turns black into grey and then just wipes it out altogether. I've been focused on that tunnel so much that I have no memory of being outside it. Was I always in it? Or was I always convincing myself to be inside one?

I've been told darkness has always existed. Maybe not in the same way as Supernatural presents it but it has. Together with light. But why is it that my mind secretly searches for that darkness, even if it's equivalent to the amount of genuine problems in Kim Kardashian's life? And if that darkness doesn't exist then it creates it - and ta-da I'm in a tunnel super motivated to find the light at the end of it.

My clock says it's 1:07 AM. I look outside and I see absolute darkness. No, I do see street lights but ... just ... okay? Then there's Mr. Sanders on TV and right under it is my cat who has graciously allowed me to stay here and pay for her food and the rent of this apartment. So in this awe of a moment, I'm going to pretend there's no tunnel and no darkness. Not quite yet.

This hypothetical light shows me many things. It shows me faces of people. My mom. Lost her husband but stayed strong for her children. Super emotional though. My uncle. Gave up his dreams so he could provide for his family. Living and breathing book of quotations. Uncle Rashid & Aunt Yasmine. Gave a kid with a spinal cord injury a faith in a future worth living for. Justine. The perfect definition of love - can't live with her, can't live without her. Friends that I'm proud to have let go in my life and friends that I regret letting go every single day. Doctors, nurses, and therapists who are the reasons people in pain smile. People who are devoted to make lives better and refuse to be publicly acknowledged. And a thank you from an 8 year old girl with Cerebral Palsy for letting her be a part of a Hackathon.

Tunnel? What tunnel.

So I start my Monday thinking about all the good that surrounds me rather than the problems that haunt me. I'm very interested to know the dreams I see tonight.

Also, I don't like Mondays.

Published on: 7th March, 2016.